Cartoons have been a main ingredient of television schedules for many years and they have always appealed to children. However, I cannot help thinking that the animations of years gone by were of a much higher standard than the ones we have today. Of course, there are a few exceptions but on the whole the cartoons of yesteryear had a whole lot more appeal. I also happen to think that this is a terrible shame…

I was fortunate enough to grow up in the nineteen seventies when there were numerous super cool cartoons to be seen; ‘Hong Kong Phooey’, ‘Winsome Witch’, ‘Secret Squirrel’, ‘Sylvester and Tweetie Pie’, ‘Wacky Races'and ‘Battle of the Planets'to name but a few! These were all funny, exciting and thoroughly entertaining to watch. In fact, back at that time, there was always a really good cartoon on the goggle box. But sadly, things were destined to change…

These days there are so many different channels to choose from that magazine publishers need to use timesheet software to draw up their TV guides. However, more doesn’t necessarily mean better which is why many of us will spend the whole evening flicking through stations without finding any decent cartoons to watch. Our viewing options have multiplied dramatically… yet programme standards have hit an all-time low.

Modern cartoons will normally leave me feeling cold, disappointed and utterly disillusioned. What on Earth went wrong? Did animators really have to move away from all of those wonderful formulas? Did kids ever tire of seeing the antics of ‘Tom and Jerry’? And why did they have to give ‘Scooby Doo'a facelift when it was all perfect as it was???

Twenty first century cartoons seem to have a completely different feel about them too. The lovable characters have been replaced with irritating ones, stories are now horribly shallow and the artwork is often downright appalling. Perhaps I am just getting old… but I’m certainly not the only one to notice this decline in quality cartoons. I have spoken to many of my friends about it over the years and they all feel exactly the same. It’s as if the artists and writers who are responsible for modern day cartoons have forgotten the classics altogether and have totally lost their direction in the process.

I’m sure there will be a few people out there who disagree with this post, but I’d bet my bottom dollar there are far more readers who are nodding their heads in agreement!

Like a lot of people in the UK, my first experience of anime was whilst channel surfing late at night. I was doing my GCSEs and my parents thought that I was busy diligently revising in my room. Alas (for my grades at least!) I was busy mostly drawing up an elaborate revision schedule with multiple coloured pens whilst watching whatever struck my fancy on random channels at midnight. This particular evening (I can’t remember the day of the week but I do remember that I should have been revising chemistry and history!) I was flicking between Channel 4 and BBC 2 when something caught my eye. That something was one of the most famous anime films ever made: it was Akira.

I’d loved cartoons and comics since I was a kid, so the manga animation drew me in straight away. Whatever was on the other side was about farming (crop rotation, animal husbandry and trailer insurance…) so it was guaranteed that I’d be switching over!

Made in 1988, and based on a series of manga comic books of the same name, Akira is a truly amazing film. Even if you aren’t interested in anime or manga, it’s a huge, sprawling film that grips you from very first action-packed second.

Based in Japan in a dystopian future (actually now just five years away, in 2019!) the plot is epic. In this grim future, Tokyo is overrun with gangs, terrorists and the military. The lead character, Tetsuo, is part of a motorcycle gang who, after an accident, is drawn into a series of violent confrontations with all and sundry. At the heart of the film is the existance of “espers”. In this alternate world, a new generation of kids with paranormal skills have been appearing since the 1980s, and both Tetsuo and the eponymous Akira are part of their number. Akira disappeared in the 80s following a series of brutal experiments to determine his pyschic powers, and that culminated with his destruction of the city… And now it looks like Tetsuo is equally powerful.

I won’t spoil the rest for you. I’ll just say this: watch the film or read the books and discover Akira!

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For me, very few modern cartoons hold much of an attraction at all. Sure, ‘The Simpsons’ and ‘Futurama’ are both undeniably funny, but only in a snide and cynical kind of way. And I’m afraid that I prefer the innocent slapstick humour of toons from times past… Call me a nostalgic old fool if you like (you certainly wouldn’t be the first to), but as far as I’m concerned there was a wonderful charm to those old school animations.

Tom and Jerry, Scooby Doo, Winsome Witch, Goober and the Ghost Chasers, Secret Squirrel; these were all a very big part of my television diet as a child. I absolutely loved these cartoons and I couldn’t wait to get home from school to watch them! And those weren’t the only ones either; there was also The Pink Panther, Wacky Races, The Blue Falcon (with Dynomutt), Mr Benn and Battle of the Planets. My goodness, I’m so glad to have grown up in the 1970s!!!

Now, I am going to risk sounding like a miserable old git… But how can you compare any of these classic (and indeed classy) cartoons to the ones on our screens today? The simple answer is that you can’t! Most modern animations for kids are badly drawn, irritating and totally lacking when it comes to thrills and spills. In fact, todays cartoons are about as exciting as laser hair removal Brentwood. And I honestly believe there are only two reasons why kids actually watch them at all –

1. They don’t realise how much better cartoons can actually be.

2. There is surprisingly little choice as many of the greats never seem to be shown anymore.

Or perhaps I really am a miserable old git. Maybe I am merely looking back at the toons of my own childhood through rose-tinted glasses.

But I honestly don’t think so…

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I’m so glad I have this place of safety where I can gush about the gorgeousness of anime girls without being accused of sexual deviancy. A friend of mine, who I actually have a lot in common with usually, just doesn’t get the anime thing and once accused me of some very unsavoury interests after we watched a movie together and I innocently passed comment on the attractiveness of one of the characters. OK, she was wearing a school uniform but it’s made up for heaven’s sake. This same friend has the biggest crush on Lois from “Family Guy” but I do not accuse him of actually wanting to get down and dirty with a drawing!

The fact is that anime girls are gorgeous. Obviously. They come from the imagination of uber geeks like myself who do nothing but fantasise about being interesting and attractive to interesting and attractive women so why wouldn’t anime girls be the pinnacle of female perfection? Let’s fact it, male anime fans would not be half as keen on the format if the women were a bit on the tubby side, always nagging us and sat around the house wearing their jogging bottoms drinking endless cups of tea. I can get that at home. (Only joking, darling!)

I remember attending one anime convention where a guy nearly started a riot by announcing that he was giving away a couple of anime girl pop up stands , those life-size cardboard figures you can prop up in the corner of your bedroom. I used to have one of Darth Vader before my girlfriend started getting “creeped out” by him, so I didn’t even contemplate joining the scrum for these delectable cardboard beauties. At least it showed me I wasn’t alone in my appreciation of the female anime form!

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One of his recent anime films is Howl’s Moving Castle, which was nominated for an Oscar but which lost out to Nick Park’s Wallace and Gromit film The Curse of the Were-Rabbit. We don’t have to feel too sad for Miyazagi, however, since he won the Oscar in the previous year for his stunning anime Spirited Away. In this charming film a young girl finds herself abandoned in an alternative, magical world when her parents accidentally trigger a spell turning themselves into pigs. This leaves her having to work for her living in a bathhouse for gods and spirits of Japanese folklore.

As usual in Miyazagi’s films, there is a young love interest who helps her rescue herself from her perilous situation. There are also several comic characters who ensure that, although the film makes several important points about family and about belonging, it is a good laugh all the way through.

There is clearly a standard amongst cartoon-makers around the world, that, however much violent damage their characters receive, they can bounce back from it uninjured. From Bugs Bunny and Tom and Jerry to Miyazagi’s Japanese mythological creatures, the characters fall from great heights, throw each other around, and suffer huge weights landing on them. I am always surprised that just about every one of them doesn’t come down with a neck injury, but no, they bounce up undamaged ready to start again.

Okay, why am I even bothering to wonder? After all, they are cartoon characters!

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One of his recent anime films is Howl’s Moving Castle, which was nominated for an Oscar but which lost out to Nick Park’s Wallace and Gromit film The Curse of the Were-Rabbit. We don’t have to feel too sad for Miyazagi, however, since he won the Oscar in the previous year for his stunning anime Spirited Away. In this charming film a young girl finds herself abandoned in an alternative, magical world when her parents accidentally trigger a spell turning themselves into pigs. This leaves her having to work for her living in a bathhouse for gods and spirits of Japanese folklore.

As usual in Miyazagi’s films, there is a young love interest who helps her rescue herself from her perilous situation. There are also several comic characters who ensure that, although the film makes several important points about family and about belonging, it is a good laugh all the way through.

There is clearly a standard amongst cartoon-makers around the world, that, however much violent damage their characters receive, they can bounce back from it uninjured. From Bugs Bunny and Tom and Jerry to Miyazagi’s Japanese mythological creatures, the characters fall from great heights, throw each other around, and suffer huge weights landing on them. I am always surprised that just about every one of them doesn’t come down with a neck injury, but no, they bounce up undamaged ready to start again.

Okay, why am I even bothering to wonder? After all, they are cartoon characters!

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I was introduced to anime when I was twelve; it was the start of a beautiful journey. One of my friends is half-Japanese and told me about the anime “Naruto”. So I went home that day and watched the first 11 episodes, I couldn’t help myself. I found it dazzling that a programme could incorporate art more vibrant than the works of Peter Smith, and a story more compelling than Harry Potter. From then on, things only got better.

Due to my interest in art, I began drawing characters from the anime, which really brought them to life. Not only did this give me an opportunity to hone my own skills artistically, but it allowed me to appreciate a whole new culture, and begin to understand a whole new language. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not fluent in Japanese, but I can tell you how to say the odd word such as “awesome” or “hatred”.

Moreover, when I compared “Naruto” to western cartoons such as “Tom & Jerry” and “Batman”, it seemed that there was more to learn from the east than the west. Whilst western comics preached heroism and gratitude, the eastern ones delivered much deeper messages. In fact, I think you could bring a kid up just by watching them!

I am glad I found “Naruto” and the other anime’s, they have taught me many things, and also provide an excellent source of entertainment, understanding and solace. However it pains me to see how many western TV shows have begun to become nothing more than a compilation of cheap laughs.

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Some Japanese anime can take itself all too seriously, giving the impression that it is great art along the lines of Akira Kurosawa’s films or Yukio Mishima’s books.

Of course, some anime truly is brilliant, after all Hayao Miyazagi won the Oscar for the best animated film in 2003 for Spirited Away, a charming tale of a girl drawn into an alternative world of mythology and magic.

But other anime films can be firmly tongue in cheek, offering an irreverent, self-mocking humour. One of the best of these is Ranma Half, based on the manga or comic books of the same name. Unlike most Japanese anime, Ranma is written and drawn by a woman artist, Rumiko Takahashi.

Why is it Ranma Half? Well, half the time Ranma, a teenage boy, turns into a teenage girl. The basic premise is that there is a magic pool in China, and anyone who falls into it is forever after doomed to turn into the last creature that drowned in the pool, every time they get wet with cold water. It takes a splash of hot water to turn them back into their real form.

On a trip to China with his martial arts-teacher father, Ranma falls into the pool and is afflicted with the body of a teenage girl every time he gets wet in rain or a bath or an accidental soaking. His father is possibly even more unlucky – he turns into a panda.

Perhaps they are both lucky. One of Ranma’s martial arts rivals gets turned into a Vietnamese pot-bellied pig, who is adopted as the pet of Ranma’s fiancée, a teenage girl who was betrothed to him as a baby. Their on-off relationship is complicated by the sudden appearance of girls, boys and pandas, while everyone else around them tries to carry on a normal life.

Hilariously funny, it is also truer to everyday Japanese life than some cartoons. For example, the homeware is plain instead of being adorned with Hello Kitty, and the school life of the confused hero is shown as it is today in ordinary Japan.

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Cartoons bring back memories and some of them are evergreen just like the work of Sarah Jane Szikora. I am a full grown adult now but I still love to watch cartoons especially the ones that I watched when I was growing up. There are many of them but a few are worth remembering. First on my list is Tom and Jerry which I spent most of my pre-teen years watching. At a time in my life it was like a sin if I did not watch Tom and Jerry during the weekend. The cartoon was and is still very popular where I come from. Another cartoon was Superted; which was about a teddy that ended up having special powers after being cast out as a factory reject. It was also one of the early Saturday morning children shows.

There was also Danger Mouse which was a big hit as well. I still remember the sound track of this cartoon word for word and remember being at the receiving end of jealousy because I had a Danger Mouse T-shirt which I took to school to show off. Another of my favourites was Asterix and Obelix which was introduced to me in a friend’s house. It was not on television so I made sure my mum had sleepless nights until she got me the cartoons. I also had comics that are still very much around. Finally, I remember being in love with Voltron as well. It was about robots who have the ability to come together in order to form a bigger version whenever they need to conquer a bigger adversary. I will do anything to see these cartoons again.

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Girls – if you want to get lots of male attention, I would definitely recommend dressing up as an Anime character next time you get invited to a fancy dress party! I was at one a couple of nights ago and, innocently, decided I would dress up in Anime gear as I love the cartoons. Well, as soon as I walked in the door, several of the guys made straight for me to chat about animation and compliment me on my outfit. And best of all, most of them weren’t even geeks!
It seems that there’s a lot of blokes out there who have a thing for the girls in Anime. I can totally understand why. They look like butter wouldn’t melt, but then often start kicking ass or turn into seductive temptresses. What was it someone said about a man wanting an angel in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom? Well, if I’ve not got my quote completely wrong (which has been known to happen) then the cute and cuddly Anime girl definitely ticks all those boxes.
Best of all, it’s really easy to pull off the look. I know all those Anime girls have ridiculous, impossible figures, but don’t bother with liposuction or anything so serious. Just start with your regular naughty schoolgirl outfit, add a cropped black wig, paint your eyes with heavy black eyeliner and then strap a plastic samurai sword on your back. Perfect your sweet and innocent Anime pose, and, voila, you have the perfect outfit for any fancy dress party. Hell, you could even just wear it on a regular night out!

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